note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
