I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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