ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ladies don't puke and tell
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
