This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
