Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
