Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
