When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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