just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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