whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
