we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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