Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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