Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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