would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
