I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
pray to the hookup gods
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
