Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
