And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Be still, my beating vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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