My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
