it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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