I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
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As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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