I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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