So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
