A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
