he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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