did you get engaged???
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
