I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
