We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
