wat bout pragnant strippers??
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
