just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
