She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
