he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
