I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
