i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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