She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
