I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
