He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
