The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fuck appropriateness.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
