My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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