He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
