Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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