Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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