He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
whose parrot is this?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
