would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
