i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
