This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
