it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
