Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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