She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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