i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
