If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
