Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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